I made this song to talk about my personal struggles with my feelings of inferiority and how I feel it’s better for people to just cut me off and leave me to my misery. I would take on the burden of feeling down, rather than have someone else take on that burden.
I would like to be able to just just support myself with my music as a full-time job. I don’t need the extravagant life, I just want to be able to pay my bills and focus on making music to share with others. If I can help at least one person through a tough time in their life, then I feel that is worth it. I want people to feel like they are not alone in their struggles.
I started loving music from as long as I can remember. The first instrument I learned to play was the piano at age six, where my mom said if I take piano lessons for at least one year, she would buy me a guitar – which is what I originally wanted to play. I can remember I never liked to learn to play other people’s songs, I was always coming up with my own ideas and songs to play.
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I started playing in bands from the age of twelve and experimented with a variety of different genres – from emo, rock, punk, power pop, metal, hardcore and acoustic music. I also have a bunch of recording gear and software that I have been accumulating for the past 10. I always liked playing in bands, however, I got very sick of having to rely on other musicians as they are some of the flakiest people I know. After leaving my most recent band, I decided to try and just make music on my own – the only person I can mostly rely on lol.
With my ability to play multiple instruments (guitar, bass, piano, drums, and some others) and access to my own studio, I decided to start releasing music under the name existntl. I plan to continue making .music under this alias similar to what I have been making. I draw inspiration from emo and pop-punk bands, such as brand new, blink 182, joy division, smashing pumpkins, the cure, from first to last, and many more. I mix the styles of the guitar playing and vocals from that music with modern trap drums and bass. I have a few new songs in the work that I hope to be releasing soon.