Gaming a few months ago Share Tweet Pin Share Boxing legend Floyd Mayweather and UFC megastar Conor McGregor are gonna “fight” in August. Since it’s a boxing match, Mayweather will just about unquestionably defeat McGregor bloody and then use McGregor’s hair to mop up his have bodily fluids. To ease that inevitable disappointment and test the two fighters’ real abilities, I put on a series of superior fights. In a professional wrestling video sport.Since this total Mayweather vs McGregor detail is just an justification for an absurdly lucrative media circus—much of which went down this 7 days throughout a four-working day multinational promo tour in which Mayweather and McGregor yelled at each other, threw income about, and McGregor sent some exceptionally questionable thoughts about race—I made a decision to go as massive as feasible with my fights. I needed to see who’d fare superior against the greatest fighters at any time conceived. Only one particular video sport could present me the kind of roster I wanted: Fireplace Professional Wrestling Entire world, which arrived out on Steam a number of days back and currently has about 3,000 tailor made-designed fighters.I went by all of them to select Mayweather and McGregor’s opponents. I made a decision equally would run the exact gauntlet of larger-than-daily life circus fights. Whoever fared better—even if they lost every single fight—would be declared the winner. I also experienced to decide on between multiple Mayweathers and McGregors, simply because of class multiple persons have taken cracks at building two of the most perfectly-identified fighters on Earth. In purchase to do this with as significantly scientific rigor as feasible, I matched each version of Mayweather and McGregor against each other in hopes that one particular pairing would produce the kind of fight most persons are expecting from the two.Many thanks to Fireplace Professional Wrestling’s intricate AI logic procedure, which makes it possible for persons to assign proportion probabilities that fighters will use particular moves in all kinds of diverse scenarios, I arrived away with a Mayweather and McGregor who fought remarkably in the same way to their actual-daily life counterparts. Mayweather punched, clinched, coated, evaded, and pissed off. McGregor flew ahead with knees and kicks, seemingly possessed by a primal starvation to land his massive left hand—but he also seemed like a pale ghost of himself right after a couple really hard rounds. Excellent. That’s when I knew I experienced my quite very good wrestle boy robots dependent on not quite very good punch adult men.So there is my methodology. Now onto the fights.First Opponent: GokuGoku from Dragon Ball Z is possibly the most powerful fighter in all of anime, although forum debates on that topic rage to this working day and will without doubt persist right after we’re all lifeless. Certainly, although, Mayweather and McGregor experienced to duke it out with the gentleman who at the time yelled so loud that he grew quite a few supplemental six packs.Mayweather vs GokuSummary: Goku beats down Mayweather but sooner or later wears himself out. Mayweather taunts every single chance he receives whilst jabbing the crap out of Goku. Mayweather obsessively uppercuts Goku in the again and butt, only to succumb to exhaustion himself. Goku then hoists Mayweather into the air and slams him, major to a pin.Final result: Goku wins by “Spirit Bomb” (a power bomb into a pin) right after eighteen minutes and forty seconds.McGregor vs GokuSummary: McGregor overwhelms Goku early and almost wins with floor ‘n’ pound, but he finishes up exhausted (of class) and hardly escapes from a power bomb pin. McGregor misses a spin kick, as is his way, and seems to be so tired that he can hardly stand. Goku starts off wailing on him. Then, out of nowhere, McGregor uncorks a left hand the measurement of his have ego and Goku eats grime.Final result: McGregor wins by occur-from-driving “holy shit” KO right after nine minutes and 35 seconds.Total winner: McGregor.McGregor will not shut up about what would come about if he was duking it out with Mayweather in an MMA fight instead of a boxing match, so I figured we ought to contest this on neutral territory: a road fight. The initial rule of road fighting is that there are no rules—which is why fireballs designed of spirit electrical power are allowed—so I made a decision to toss Mayweather and McGregor in with multiple figures from Avenue Fighter. At the exact time.Mayweather vs Balrog, Mika, Guile, and RyuSummary: Balrog is a goddamn big, but Mayweather retains his have and forces Balrog to tag in Guile. Mayweather beats down Guile and Ryu at the exact time, but then they tag in Mika, who absolutely types on Floyd with every single professional wrestling go in the book. Balrog returns and finishes the job by casually standing on Mayweather—who is fundamentally lifeless.Final result: Avenue Fighter figures gain by pin right after nine minutes and 56 seconds.McGregor vs Balrog, Mika, Guile, and RyuSummary: McGregor will come out intense and backs up Balrog and Ryu with a series of withering kicks and knees. Guile presents him some difficulties, but then Guile tags in Mika, and McGregor goes into Irish berserker manner against equally of them. McGregor actually lands a spin kick, a little something that has never took place in actual daily life, but finds himself exhausted afterward. Mika and Ryu knock him out of the ring and seize a metal chair. Unbelievably, McGregor fends off their twin-pronged strike and even manages to almost submit Guile. Regretably for him, Balrog—who is by some means even larger than the biggest gentleman on earth, Nate Diaz—lumbers again into the ring and boxes McGregor into a pulp. He then pins him the exact way he submitted Mayweather, casually smirking all the whilst.Final result: Avenue Fighter figures gain by pin right after eighteen minutes and 23 seconds.Total winner: McGregor.Did not Mayweather vs McGregor fundamentally currently come about in 2006’s Rocky Balboa, which was poor? Even then, although, Rocky—the scruffy, odds-defying god of underdogs—is unachievable to dislike, which would make him a great foil for Mayweather and McGregor. Also, he’s the greatest-identified fictional boxer in existence, so I did not genuinely have a preference in this article.Mayweather vs Rocky BalboaSummary: Rocky bloodies Mayweather with a solitary punch, which doesn’t bode perfectly for Mayweather’s probabilities. Mayweather fights really hard, clinching and shifting like his training routine typically consisted of seeing the ballroom scene from Beauty And The Beast frequently, but he’s a bloody mess. Inevitably, Rocky tires, and Mayweather turns the tide. He starts off taunting and landing really hard combos. But then the tide turns once again, and Rocky starts overall body slamming Mayweather from the major ropes. Then the tide turns a third time, and Mayweather lays into Rocky, who is so exhausted that mild gusts are bowling him about. It is wild! By this point, however, almost twenty (in-sport) minutes have passed, and I recognize I must set a time limit for these issues, simply because these men look incapable of ending each other.Final result: Attract right after twenty minutes.McGregor vs Rocky BalboaSummary: Despite his aggression, McGregor receives pieced up on the ft early. He starts off applying takedowns and clinches to even the odds and finishes up bloodying Rocky with floor ‘n’ pound. Every person is familiar with you must never bloody Rocky, although, simply because that would make him much more powerful. Rocky pours on the force, and McGregor seems exhausted. Then, out of nowhere, he requires Rocky down and submits him with a rear-bare choke, simply because Fireplace Professional Wrestling Entire world has developed sentient and formulated a sense of humor about the total Nate Diaz detail.Final result: McGregor wins by submission right after 8 minutes and 31 seconds.Total winner: Attract. (Technically McGregor gained his fight, but Mayweather vs Rocky was one particular of the best fights of all time, with Mayweather lastly pouring his all into a match, battling again against adversity, and sealing his legacy.)Milkshake Duck, for those unaware, is a Twitter meme about a duck who loves milkshakes, but who turns out to be racist. Generally, it’s the fate of every single beloved figure who starts off out harmless and pure in the general public eye. A decent total of coverage coming from this week’s Mayweather vs McGregor promo tour has centered on McGregor’s racially charged remarks and antics in reaction to those accusations, and Mayweather’s status is far from spotless, so you know, if the shoe fits…Mayweather vs Milkshake DuckSummary: Milkshake Duck, who is a fucking monstrosity with bowling balls for fingers and a beak designed out of taco shells, straight up murders Floyd Mayweather. He goes to hell for this, the place he is instantly elected king.Final result: Milkshake Duck wins by submission right after nine minutes and 27 seconds of horror.McGregor vs Milkshake DuckSummary: Milkshake Duck, who is a fucking monstrosity with bowling balls for fingers and a beak designed out of taco shells, almost murders McGregor far too, but—because karmic justice is not actual, even in video games—we regret to advise you that McGregor bloodies this image of problematic tendencies in the modern-day era and finishes him with a bizarre submission termed the “banana spread.”Final result: McGregor wins by submission right after 11 minutes and 57 seconds.Total winner: No one. Mayweather and McGregor are equally shitty persons who share several Milkshake Duck moments between them. Abide by Deadspin’s guidance and really do not root for either.Fifth Opponent: Numerous Copies Of ThemselvesMayweather vs McGregor is gonna be a crappy fight, so I could not just have them square off against each other for the key occasion of this detail. My answer: a clone war. Try to remember those other Mayweathers and McGregors I mentioned before? The types who did not really make the minimize? I assume you get the strategy.Team Mayweather vs Team McGregorSummary: I simply cannot do this one particular justice with a summary, in section simply because it’s goddamn extraordinary, and in section simply because it’s genuinely really hard to describe a little something in which multiple copies of the exact persons fight each other. There’s one particular little bit the place all three Mayweathers grapple a McGregor at the exact time, bend him about, and punch his again in great sync. It is cute. Then one particular Mayweather headbutts a McGregor in the dick. All the whilst, the largest Floyd Mayweather will not halt cartwheeling. I really do not know why he cartwheels. To my information, this is not a detail Floyd Mayweather is identified for. Inevitably it finishes, as all very good issues do, and my heart breaks.Final result: Attract right after twenty minutes.Total winner: The judges (me) award a gain to Team Mayweather for remarkable regulate and superior cartwheel form.Remaining TallyMayweather: A single gain, three losses, one particular draw.McGregor: 3 wins, one particular decline, one particular draw.The winner: You.